Throughout my days I have done what I can to keep busy. Through this COVID-19 shut down I have been working hard on keeping track of my students and working to provide access to education, as much as possible with this remote learning. Like in live-action of real life, I want to jump in with both feet and react to the problems as they appear and arise; however, acting like that would not be prudent. Instead, I evaluate the circumstances, create a plan, prepare myself for success, and execute. Throughout this COVID-19 process, when an obstacle presents itself or the path is altered I accept the challenge and enjoy the success of overcoming the challenge.
I am excited by the thrill of pushing myself to a challenge. When I see an opportunity to take the easy path I consider it but I am often bored with the lack of a difficult route. Understanding that the end result of a more difficult trek may be less polished and after enduring the traction of the challenges I may be must worse for the wear, but I enjoy the growth that I see in myself from the challenge. I acknowledge growing only comes from the struggles of pushing through the challenge. An end result of any endeavor will only provide value to the person who does the action if they are honestly pushing themselves to their capabilities. Personally, I would rather drive a dirty but solid and complete Jaguar XK8 than a pristine brand new Chevy Spark; the Jaguar can grow to be exceptional where the Chevy will never be better than minimally acceptable.
I am happy to accept challenges, I seek them out. Currently, it is a challenge to be alone, but this is not a challenge I chose; this is a challenge that was placed upon me from outside forces. I am privileged when I have choices to challenge myself; others have less opportunities toward these choices. Others were born with less opportunity than was I: perhaps only one loving parent (or none), born into a war-torn country, living through any myriad of abuses. I admit these my feelings of anguish due to the lack of choice does not measure up to the level of many difficulties others have pushed upon them but the strain is representative of a real concern that troubles many as well. Although I strive to challenge myself I find it distressing to have the challenges forced upon me by the actions of others and an external pandemic. I hope to see growth through pushing forward in this pandemic, but I feel more and more helpless as I observe the reaction and interaction of the population toward this same pandemic.
I work to go into businesses as seldom as I can and only buy things I am going to need in the effort to reduce the chance I would expose myself or others. I do what I can to spend only cash in local shops as well. Furthermore, I always wear a mask when I am in any business. I do not wear the mask to protect myself as I understand Newton’s third law of motion. When I inhale it creates a vacuum around gaps between the mask and my face and thus will bring germs and viruses into my system. I wear a mask to stop the potential that I will exhale germs as the germs and viruses will be retained in the mask who are in the vapors I exhale. I wear the mask to help protect and for the sake of others but have no control over whether others are willing to protect the community and myself.
Lacking control is difficult as it prevents me from being around loved ones. I have loved ones who fit within the vulnerable population; it is challenging and saddening to not see them, but will I grow from enduring this vacancy? The existence of COVID-19 forms a difficult global situation. Continually, medical and scientific experts and professionals provide varying information that changes on a daily basis. Politically, there trends to be bipartisan information presented. Here is how I witness the information: a statement is taken out of context that shows the “other side” as inept and not working for the benefit of the population and inflames the listening population against the “other side” but does little to provide information on how to navigate forward (understanding the science of this changes like the weather). I hear one “side” describing how terribly the pandemic has been managed and bringing up the ire of the listening population discussing the past. I also hear the “other side” describing how well they have done in the past and presenting inaccurate information on what is currently being done or currently attempting to benefit the population. Whatever the past is, it is less relevant to me than honest knowledge of what is been presently known by the doctors and scientists. If there is malfeasance, bu ANYONE, let it come out years from now once we are out of this situation, but don’t waste the population’s time on the distractions from providing intelligent information to “sell newspapers” and distract from what the population can do to make real progress.
I am pleased to challenge myself to become more informed. Although, I am frustrated with the continual changing of the scientific and medical understanding about how this pandemic is evolving, but I accept that between the various ways in which the population affects the changes as well as how viruses themselves morph and spread affect the changes. Because I quest to gain knowledge, I am frustrated by the delusions of people who are made ignorant by their following whichever “side” with which they align instead of having knowledge of what source is correct; I’m not certain what I information to follow either. I cannot control the actions of others. I can only react by doing what I feel is the best for the benefit of the people I am around and my loved ones. As straining as it is to be away from loved ones the action of others force me to separate myself from them for fear of the ignorance and irresponsibility of others.
I fight the fear of the unknown by trying to be informed. It is difficult to stay informed because the moving target of information of knowledge regarding COVID-19. “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” I see that people are suffering, and the fear that is created by my lack of knowledge is only fractional to the suffering others are enduring. Is their suffering providing personal growth? Did they quest after the difficult path,? No, I think not. Is Nietzsche correct in his assessment of not being killed by something? Many are becoming dead. I will continue to filter the information and live my existence for the benefit of others with the quest that I will be reunited with my loved ones rather than be selfish in my actions. The hate I see created by the manufactured fear causes me to be more afraid than the fear I have created from the dangers of the virus. Difficult to admit it is, already on the path I am to the dark side.