I cannot rely on other people, or I do not rely on the dependability of other people. I’m not quite certain why I have surrounded myself with people who I cannot rely upon. I am very thankful and grateful for the support and structure both of my parents provided for me growing up. Although I have been very independent for my entire life and I have been, pretty much, on my own, for the most part, since I was a teenager I cannot point a finger at my childhood as to why I attract and or surround myself with people who I cannot rely upon.
A story my mother often tells is of myself at age 2 well she was on the telephone. When I was 2 telephones had cords tethering the person to the wall. Apparently, I had picked up a Phillips head screwdriver and took a doorknob off of a door. Proudly I presented this shiny object to my mother. Upon receipt of this odd object, constructively, my mother said, “that’s great now put it back.” Being only about five minutes older than when I took the doorknob off I skillfully figured out how to and replace the knob. Perhaps, independence is in my blood; however, why do I gravitate toward people who I cannot rely upon.
Both of my parents continue to be positive influences in my life. I can rely upon their love, consideration, and their word. So why in the world is it that I seem to attract people who I cannot rely upon.
As writing tends to be cathartic, the action of writing this blog post gets me thinking. I consider that by being independent the others in my life, external from my family, do not feel the need to be reliable. As a function of being independent, I am “low maintenance.” Furthermore, when people fail to live up to their commitment to me I often tell them “it’s OK,” that gift to them of perpetual forgiveness, as it may be considered, allows them to develop an expectation whereupon they don’t feel the need to be relied upon by me. By not holding them accountable in such as telling them that they disappoint me and perhaps ceasing to connect with and or make plans with them. I continue to give them permission to fail to live up to their word. Am I really bothered by the lack of reliability? An outspoken person as I am, we did not make sense that if it really bothered me I would say something. Maybe my expectation of their failure protects me from the impact on their unreliability; my independence.
As I mentioned earlier in a post called the comfortable I’m not a huge fan of how much others concern themselves with me. I’m really not bothered if what I do or who I am doesn’t live up to their standards. As it is tattooed underneath Popeye on my arm “EYEM WHAT EYEM,” I am what I am. I am not going to seek others’ approval or permission to be who I am, I will continue to plod through life and be happily independent. That said, my lack of concern connects to my willingness to not be bothered by those who don’t live up to their commitments.