Three in a bed

I recently began hanging out with a friend again from high school and it makes me think of a metaphor he commonly expressed when referring to something that had a high temperature.

As with many metaphors, a bit of hyperbole exists, but even if it didn’t the metaphor is brilliant in its painting a sketch of a heterosexual masculine utopia.  The metaphor: hotter than three in a bed.

Two guys one girl, three girls, or three guys are not the intentions of this metaphor, at least not by my friend.  He intended it as two girls and one guy and in the heterosexual utopian world, this sounds amazing.  In practice, it’s often a nightmare.

Most men don’t have the focus, attention, awareness, stamina, longevity, or problem-solving abilities to regularly please a single woman in bed, and another person who naturally has emotions, jealousy, individual needs and requirements and that can make things excessively difficult.  How much work does a man plan to put into his performance in bed; really?  Don’t get me wrong, with the right three people it can be amazing, but the rarity of that working out is present in every instance; even with the same three people.

As a parent of one daughter, the whole concept of “three in a bed” even with two females and one male has proven to allow me about as much sleep as when I was in my early 20’s but for COMPLETELY different reasons.  Along the lines of this parallel, the parent scenario has an idealistic romanticized painting.  The reality is the third addition to the bed takes up more room than either of the other two, which is ironic being as that the third is only really taking up about 2 cubic feet of the bed.  That 2 cubic food, however, spreads out.  In this situation, only one person is pleased, that is the third person joining the bed.  The other two, like when all three are adults, are unable to be “satisfied”.

“Hotter than three in a bed”, a greatly descriptive metaphor.  As I am neither a woman or a homosexual I cannot speak to how either of those parties may feel about the metaphor.  Furthermore, I choose not to try and pretend that I can speak for the entire white, heterosexual, male race as that would be presumptuous.  However, I hope that my views are, at least in line, with the feelings of many others.  The idea of “three in a bed” is exciting and, being optimistic as I am, a goal for many who might view themselves as sexually “free”.  In reality “three in a bed” is not hot at all, in fact, it can be fully complicated and unfulfilling.  Then again, most metaphors are not intended to be taken literally; hence their hyperbolic qualities.