What A Jerk

For about 10 years I had a caber for whether I would be willing to date someone long term.  This measurement was if they found “The Big Lebowski” humorous.  “The Big Lebowski, one of my favorite movies of all time, is clever in its presentation, creatively filmed and directed, and the last good movie the Coen Brothers presented.  Shortly into dating a woman I would offer to show her the movie.  Of course, if she had already seen the movie and she said she liked the movie that box would be checked.  On the other hand, if she has seen the movie and she didn’t like the movie that would check another box.  After discovering whether or not she likes “The Big Lebowski” I would determine if I wanted to remain to find out more about her.


I discovered that there were many people who didn’t enjoy the movie.  This may have caused me to miss out on good people.  I actually began telling women, as we began dating, that I would expect them to understand why “The Big Lebowski” is funny.  This made for people to be a bit uncomfortable and perhaps try and enjoy a movie they just would not have normally enjoyed.  Man, was I a douche?!?


I think back on the first time I saw “The Big Lebowski” and I really didn’t enjoy it.  I attribute this to the fact that I was 17 at the time and I wasn’t smart enough to understand why it was funny.  When I saw it again a few years later I thoroughly enjoyed it; I was smarter and I “got” why it was funny.


I enjoy a brisk argument.  I love to discuss movies whose purpose is to make a point and make people think.  I find a heated exchange to be exciting and fulfilling.  “The Big Lebowski” is incredibly quotable and memorable, but does not come close to envoking a discussion about the plot or themes within.  So why in the world would I have used it as a tool to determine how smart a person is or whether or not I was compatible with them?  Without a doubt, I was a prick; maybe, just maybe I missed out on some special and interesting women.


The person I am dating now loves silly, sophomoric, and light movies.  Not only have I not watched “The Big Lebowski” with her, but I also have not watched a heavy movie with her at all, and I truly do not care if she likes “The Big Lebowski”.  The movies I have watched with her have not been amazing cinematic attempts, but they have been very enjoyable, several are ones I have enjoyed for years, and she is a fun and energetic person and enjoyable to spend time with; the perfect person to watch any movie with.


There are other things that we can discuss and argue about, and we do; most recently, my plans for our Valentine’s Day night, she is anxious about what I am planning and I am unwilling to ruin the surprise.  Furthermore, there are many other things that I enjoy doing with her.  There are loads of things that I love about her.  However, I am not certain as to whether or not she would like “The Big Lebowski”.  Maybe she would like the movie; after all, it is silly (in parts), sophomoric (in its own way), and there are not many heavy points.  Really, it doesn’t matter if she “gets it” if she were to see “The Big Lebowski.”  The truth is, she has shown how smart, intuitive and interesting she is without having to be measured by her understanding the Coen Brother’s humor.


Did I, perhaps, dismiss several women who might have been a match for me?  Sure, that’s possible, there are millions of permutations on who we meet and how they relate to our lives.  Am I disappointed in potentially missing out on others?  Not a chance, I am more than excited with where I am and who I am with.  The cliché, “everything happens for a reason,” could be applied to my particular scenario.  However, I reject the sentiment.  I feel that we have the chance to make choices and that based on the paths we travel we will find others on those routes and adjust the location which we end.  Do I hold regrets for the potential of love lost?  Nope, I move on and do little to lament lost chances at a relationship!  Do I regret being a pompous dick?  Not at all.  Part of being a jerk is that I bother paying attention to the present and building a future; a future with my girlfriend.

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